Cycle

The cycle of life...
You know~
It goes like this :-

Life > Adolescence > Adulthood > Plateau > Death

Its a beautiful cycle of all living being.
Some might think differently but for me, that is the cycle.

Now, I have my own cycles.
I have a cycle of self-hate and craving.
I got more than 2 but there are all random cycles.


My self hate cycle is the most vicious of all the cycle that I have.

It always start with me being happy and calm on one second and sad and devastated in another.
This is a huge problem because at the end of the cycle,
I would act as if nothing happen and would happily forget everything.

This would attack me every time I am face with my problems.
It always trigger when I am stuck in a place where I cant run.
And my brain trigger this cycle so that it can avoid facing the problems
I hate myself for falling for it each time
But I dont know what else to do

I, myself, also dont want to face my problems
Thus I would use the spiral of despair to escape the problem each time as a mean of escaping.
I know and yet I dont want to change.
I know this is bad, but I dont want to move forward

Im too stupid and too lazy to take actions
I acknowledge that this cant go on but I still havent done anything bout it.
Thus Im repeating the self hate cycle...